Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Let's get the cat blown out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just puked most of my soul out..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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