So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize