I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
nutella sex= disaster
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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