If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
