He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize