Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
