so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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