my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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