umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
