I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
