Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
