put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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