Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
