Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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