did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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