This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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