Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
