new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
