Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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