Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
