It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
