do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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