Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
