I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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