I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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