Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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