you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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