Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
