are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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