She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
