You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
