i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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