I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
