i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
