I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
