I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
