he wants to bone in the snuggie
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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