I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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