so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
