eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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