Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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