he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
