dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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