the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
