too bad you live with your parents still
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
