He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
