Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
