I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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