There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
