I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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