it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize