Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize