My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
