I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
