I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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