oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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