Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
