I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
