I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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