I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
