i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
