Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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