i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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