This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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