I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize