What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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