I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
