Reggie can tackle my bush.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
