We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
