oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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