$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
