He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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