Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
