plz talk dirty to me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
