There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
