see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
