I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
