All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
