Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
