I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
