Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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