he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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