just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
