im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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