My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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