Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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