Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
