I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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