We won't sleep together?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
