i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
