I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
third nipple confirmed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
