I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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