You just made me feel so damn special
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize