how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
